Over It

I admit, there are times in my life, when I am stressed and stretched to the max! It’s safe to assume that most people find themselves in this place at multiple times during the course of a year, maybe even a week or day. Unfortunately, not even the Christ-follower can avoid these seasons. Many times my own frustration rises at the hand of others. I realize I am not supposed to allow this to happen, but the reality is, it does happen! I let people and circumstances “get” to me!

In these seasons, I have a lot to say because my natural sinful response is anger. My girls just roll their eyes at me and tell me to go write a letter, which is another one of my threats in these instances. I am just sure that if the person responsible for this annoying situation would just realize through the written word their error, all will be well! One of my most dramatic phrases is, “I am sooooo over it!” (“so” must be fully drawn out for the most dramatic impact) This phrase is sometimes uttered out loud in a rush of emotion, or it just explodes inside my head, usually followed by hot flashes, tears, and maybe a trip to the bathroom!

My “go-to” phrase can also be directed towards a person. I am not proud to admit that there are times I allow others to penetrate my defenses and negatively influence my thought process. Sometimes it is as simple as focusing on a mere phrase spoken by another that echoes inside my brain. The danger is the way that adverse verbiage seeps into the cracks of my confidence and begins to erode my faith. As those rocks of bitterness and resentment begin to split, there is a landslide of wreckage that rumbles down the mountain of my faith. In its destructive path the pristine valleys of peace that I have worked so hard for, are nicked and scared by these boulders. The beautiful evergreens of steadfastness are bent and broken. Where there was once a meadow of boundless wild flowers that sprung forth from the ash after God’s purging wild fire, there are only divots and smashed petals. Once this avalanche of annihilation begins, it cannot be stopped.

“I am soooooo over it!” Really, what I am saying is, “I am soooo under it!” When I step aside and let that first rock begin to roll it is as if I have just jumped on top of it begging for a wild ride down the hill. As that rock spirals downward, with me hanging on for dear life, I become my own worst enemy as I lie motionless on top of it careening out of control down the steep slop of life. After a while, I am so dizzy and disoriented that I don’t even realize I have just plowed over the beautiful things in my life that God has ordained and designed!

How does this process end? Well, it was concluded when Jesus voluntarily went to the cross and laid down His all. The cross is where we realize He is over it all! There is not one thing in this life, nor one person that we come into contact with that is accidental. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8 NIV) The truth of this verse is what should be allowed in our lives. Our thoughts need to be His thoughts and we have to welcome His ways as our ways. When those frustrating circumstances arise and begin to peek over the ridge of our souls, we have to stand firm and remember, “. . .God placed all things under his (Jesus) feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church.” (Ephesians 1:22) Did you catch that? All things are under His feet, not His people, even the ones who are creating havoc in our lives!

There is a song that has resonated deep in my soul for the last several weeks. The bridge says,

The mountains shake before You, the demons run in fear
At the mention of the name King of Majesty
There is no power in hell,
Or any who can stand,
Before the power and the presence of the great I AM!
(“Great I Am” by Phillips, Craig, and Dean)

The next time you feel the pull of frustration and anger and you want to repeat my little phrase, remember that the Almighty Himself is repeating it along with you, “I AM sooooo over it!”

Broken Cisterns

For some reason, when I am going through difficult times, I gravitate to the Old Testament. Yesterday, I found myself in Jeremiah, one of my favorites!

The book of Jeremiah was written after the fall of Jerusalem in 586 B.C. My Women's Devotional Bible says, "The people of Jerusalem used to love God with the love of a new bride for her husband; now even the priests, lawmakers, leaders and prophets have begun to worship Baal and other false gods. God has warned the people for 23 years, and now his patience is coming to an end. Judah is about to go into exile for 70 years."

Do you feel as if you are in exile? Has your love for God lost that new bride feeling? Do you find yourself worshiping "things" rather than God? Shamefully, I have to admit yes to each of these questions.

There is nothing more powerful than drama in our lives when it comes to revealing our inadequacies! Yet, drama is also powerful in revealing just how adequate God is in addressing those needs!

As I read chapter two yesterday, these are the observations I made:

1. God warned and pursued His people for 23 years before His patience ran out! He is a patient God, isn't He? He waits for us, not wanting even one to parish! I love that!

2. In verse 6 He reminds them where they have come from, Egypt. How quickly I can forget that! ". . . brought us up out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness, through a land of deserts and rifts, a land of drought and darkness, a land where no one travels and no one lives" Here lies the key; we are LED, not left! He is there and was there with them all along, even in a place where no one wanted to be! Hello, I have arrived in that place where I really don't want to live for very long, but I am promised I will be led through it, not left to die in it! What a promise!

3. Verse 7 is where I want to be, "I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce." That is what is on the other side. We all know we will experience pain, sadness, and sorrow, but sometimes we forget that there is an end to it, and not just heaven. There can be closure for those who return to that "new bride" love for the Lord. This leads me to my next observation.

4. Verse 13 states that the people had forsaken God, the One with springs of living water, and instead dug their own cisterns. How many times have I replaced God's plan with my own ideas? Too many to count! This verse goes on to say that not only had they replaced Him with their own cisterns, but the vessels were broken and could not hold water. That is exactly what happens when we try to replace His plans for our lives with our own; broken promises and broken dreams ,that cannot possibly hold anything else. You would never give a thirsty child a glass with cracks in it, yet that is exactly what we hold up to God. I want my vessel whole and ready to receive all that He has for me not missing one single drop.

5. Lastly, verse 19 states that forsaking God is evil and bitter, "Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me." Do I want to live my life with out awe for God? NO, I do not! All I have to do is simply look around me and I see examples of God's presence in the smallest things. That is where I am in awe of Him; in the gentle whisper of summer nights, in the silence of the dawn, in the flash of lightening that accompanies the rumble of thunder, in the tender touch of a child's hand.

Difficult times come in waves and in seasons. God wants to lead us through those and we have the promise we will not be left alone or behind. Eventually, we will arrive in a place of fruitfulness again, but it is because of those desperate times that the fruit is so much sweeter. I am choosing to believe that I am not in exile, nor have I been forgotten, and to seek out His grace and goodness in the midst of my own barrenness. I will not reside here for long. I see His hand in it all!

I'll Change When I Get There

I have a daughter who loves to go on trips in her pj pants. Even if we are taking a short trip to visit family a few hours away, she gets into the car sporting her pj pants. When I ask her about it, she replies, “I’ll change when I get there.”

Ever said that? Oh, I don’t need to address that issue today because I am not “there” yet. When I am closer to “there” I will change; I’ll change when I get there.

In the English language the word change can have many meanings each one depending upon its use in a sentence. If used as a verb with an object, it can mean to transform or convert, to transfer from one to another. For example when Jesus changed the water into wine, “ . . . and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine.” (John 2:9, NIV)

If used as a verb without an object, change can mean to become different, altered, or modified. I Samuel 10:6 says, “The Spirit of the Lord will come powerfully upon you, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person.” (NIV)

Procrastination is not our friend. “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer, in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.” (I Corinthians 7:17, NIV) Waiting until we are positioned properly in our own minds to make God inspired changes creates a dangerous pathway for the enemy of our soul to tread upon. In fact, it actually opens the gate for him to enter. King Jeroboam is a perfect example of disregarding heaven’s warning, “After this happened, Jeroboam kept on doing evil, recruiting priests for the forbidden shrines indiscriminately – anyone who wanted to could be a priest at one of the local shrines. This was the root sin of Jeroboam’s government. And it was this that ruined him.” (I Kings 13:33 The Message)

Our Heavenly Father does not desire changes within us merely for unnecessary alterations; He wants to transform us into something beautiful. As the caterpillar waits snuggly wrapped in its cocoon, so we should wait expectantly for the changes to come.
Metamorphosis is a spectacular event. The word "metamorphosis" derives from Greek μεταμόρφωσις, "transformation, transforming",[1] from μετα- (meta-), "change" + μορφή (morphe), "form".[2]

Is the process of change painful? It certainly can be; however, we have the ability to ease that pain by submitting ourselves mind, body, soul, and spirit into the Lord’s hands and trusting His guidance. “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19 NIV)

The ultimate purpose of change is to produce something amazing. If we go back to the banquet at Cana we see exactly why Jesus chose to make that change. “What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory. . .” (John 2:11 NIV) This verse reveals the purpose of all God ordained change in our lives; so His glory can be revealed to the world. In the process, we are transformed into that beautiful butterfly that can now suddenly fly. My daughter’s phrase of “I’ll change when I get there,” becomes, “I am being changed for when I get there!”

1. ^ "Metamorphosis, Henry George Liddell, Robert Scott, ''A, at Perseus". Perseus.tufts.edu. Retrieved 2012-08-26.
2. ^ "Online Etymology Dictionary". Etymonline.com. Retrieved 2012-08-26.

The Jewelry Box

I hate to untangle necklaces! Ever have the really small chains that get so intermingled it is difficult to see the end from the beginning? Those are the worst! As I was sitting down to separate a few of Ashlee’s knotted chains I got to thinking about how this represented life. Each one of us encounters knots along the way. Trials and suffering are inevitable. Straight pin in hand, I knew I was in for a very frustrating and LONG session with those necklaces.

As I worked at each knot, the Lord began to speak to me about His will for my life. It is undeniable that at some point in time, necklaces shoved into a jewelry box will become knotted. They will not “un-knot” themselves; someone will have to intervene, action will need to be taken, and they will have to be stored a different way to avoid the same thing happening again.

I was reminded of the young man I had prayed with that previous Sunday. I did not know what he was facing, but I knew it was potentially devastating. In his eyes, I could see fear and remorse. I told him that no matter what had happened up to this point, God can, will, and does forgive those who ask for forgiveness. He will not remove us from situations, but He will always walk with us. Just like the necklace, his life was a tangled mess and I do not think he could see the end from the beginning. I wondered if anyone had ever expressed to him that he was loved and valuable in the eyes of the Lord? How many other lives were intermingled with his because of his decisions? How long would this process take for him and what happens when it is all over?

Just as we have the power to cause harm to others, we also have the power to heal thru sharing Christ. My words to him were not hollow or empty, but filled with genuine hope and promise. As he left, I could see that part of his burden had been lifted. Why? Because he knew that he was not alone!

What a privilege it is to be involved in the gnarled chaos of others lives! As women in ministry, this is a heavy burden, yet one of the most rewarding! Our intervention as representatives of Jesus is crucial for those who are in despair. Be encouraged that your words, spoken in love and kindness, will be used of the Lord regardless of how tired or burdened you become. No matter how God instructs you, He will give you the energy, drive, and time to complete it. You DO make a difference!

The storing process of those untangled necklaces and lives can be extremely overwhelming at first. Just where are we going to put them?! Once again, the answer comes from the Father. He knows just where to store that gem and how to showcase it.
Find rest in the fact that you do not have to have all the answers because Jesus does.

So, open up that jewelry box! Do not be afraid to untangle the most knotted necklace you can find. Once your task is complete, you will be able to realize that you had a small part in that beautiful piece of jewelry. Go ahead, grab that straight pin and dive in!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

When I was young, my favorite Christmas movie was The Little Drummer Boy. I also loved a song in the movie called, "Do You Hear What I Hear" by Noel Regney and Gloria Shayne. Perhaps it was the haunting melody of the song that soothed my soul or maybe the concept of the second verse;

"Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear?
A song, a song
High above the tree
With a voice as big as the seas
With a voice as big as the seas"

Now that I have you humming Christmas songs in July, read the verse again. A simple question is asked, yet a simple answer cannot be given because I do not hear what you hear. We all hear differently.

During heated discussions we may assume others hear and understand what we are saying in the manner in which it is intended, but the reality is many times they do not. When I say to my spouse that my feelings are not hurt by his actions, does he hear the quiver in my voice? It is definitely there and in my opinion, screaming loudly for all to hear, yet does he hear what I hear? If I am asked to do a favor for a friend and the request is followed by, "It's okay if you can't," is it really okay? Did I hear that correctly? Do you hear what I hear?

How about when God speaks to us. There are many examples in the Bible that seem clear enough! Adam heard God's voice in the Garden of Eden when He asked,"Where are you?" (Genesis 3:9) Moses heard God's voice when he received the Ten Commandments, "Then the Lord said to
Moses. . ." (Exodus 34:27-28). As Jesus was baptized, John the Baptist and those crowded around the Jordan River heard God's voice respond, "This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased," (Matthew 3:17).

Unfortunately, I have never heard the voice of God audibly, nor have I known anyone who has, yet I do hear Him. I hear Him on my morning walks with our oldest daughter, Ashlee, as she shares with me her hopes and dreams and what God is doing in her life. I hear Him as I watch our youngest daughter, Paige, practice ballet with her class. She is so graceful and there is such peace and fluidity in her movements that I can hear God gently whisper the same to me. I hear Him as I listen each Sunday morning to my husband, Bill, preach the Word of God at Bethlehem Chapel. I know this one seems obvious, but the journey to arrive at this place has been a wild ride! As I listen, I hear once again the promises made in the quiet secret times with the Lord. I remember the voice that I heard all those years speaking life, freedom, and hope.

My place in life is not the same as yours! The promises made to me are mine, not for anyone else. Each one of us has a unique call from the Lord with talents and gifts to sustain that call. I cannot hear for anyone else. What do you hear when you quiet yourself before the Lord? How about when life is not so quiet, what can you hear? He is speaking, but the question is not "Do You Hear What I Hear?" The question for each of us should simply be, "Am I Listening?"

Hi, my name is . . .

My father was a very opinionated man. His approval or lack of approval affected me more than I can even convey. As a little girl, there was nothing better than sharing something with my dad and having his face light up with satisfaction and pride over something I had accomplished or achieved. That did not stop when I became an adult. In fact, I think my need for his approval increased. When something life changing would come my way, Dad was the first person I wanted to share it with. I needed his advice, comfort, and opinion. I needed to know what he thought not only about the situation, but his opinion of me. Then one day, he was gone; consumed by a massive heart attack and gone in an instant. Ten years later, I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and share moments of my life with him.
My mom is the quiet advice giver. She has shown me more than she has told me. Her perspective is very different than Dad’s. I value her opinion and need it just as much as I needed his.
Having the approval of someone we love often equates with how we view ourselves. If someone is pleased with me, then I must be a good person; positive feedback = good person. The flip side is the opposite; negative feedback = bad person.
The society in which we live is a performance driven environment. When we meet someone for the first time part of our initial conversation includes, “Hi my name
is. . .” and then we pause to receive their response. This leads to other questions such as, “What do you do for a living?” or “How many children do you have?” or “Where do you live?” The answers to these questions quickly begin to formulate a picture and tell a story of the person we have just met. For example, she is a doctor, she lives in an exclusive gated community, she has twelve children. Our responses shape the opinions of others and ultimately lead them to draw certain conclusions which, over time, can eventually begin to define who we are.. Some might think; Oh, she’s a doctor, she must be rich. A gated community?! Rich and untouchable! What? Twelve kids?!! Ok this chick is rich, untouchable, and crazy! The more we answer these same questions, the more our answers shape who we become and God says we are much more than what we do or where we live or what we have!
None of the above answers are wrong, after all, they are based on facts about our lives. God may have gifted you as a doctor and blessed you with an opportunity to live in a gated community and if He has, more power to you! You go girl with those twelve little ones! An issue arises when we begin to allow the facts of our lives to define who we are. Yes, I may be a doctor (not really), and I may live in an exclusive gated community (I wish!), and I may have twelve children (no, I do not), but these things only characterize my situation or position in life, not my soul or my purpose.
We all want to be liked. I believe it is a basic human need. Unfortunately, none of us enjoy this all the time. There will always be those who disagree with our profession, the way you raise our children, and our opinions. Jesus himself did not have everyone’s approval all of the time. However, there was one whose opinion mattered most of all, His heavenly Father.
So, what is God’s opinion you? What does He think about me? I am sure there are times when He laughs at me, maybe even yells at me, possibly shakes His head in complete frustration. Through it all, He still loves me.
Remember the old saying that goes something like, “They broke the mold when they made you.” Well, guess what, He really did. Each one of us are created completely different, yet still in the image of God. Isn’t that a crazy thought?!!
Life is full of choices; some made by us and some made by others. I have been overwhelmed at times by choices made on my behalf that could have defined who I was. As Bill and I prepare to celebrate 23 years of marriage, I am reminded of standing before an altar looking into his eyes and having him choose me to be his wife. Three years ago, we stood before a congregation of people who voted unanimously for us to be their shepherd and lead the congregation of Bethlehem Chapel. These are just two examples of times where I have been completely consumed with responsibility and joy all at the same time. I could easily have let these two situations ultimately define who I am. Yet, John 15:16 lays out something different for each of us, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. . .” We have been chosen by the One who set the foundation of the world! God must think we are capable of more than we realize and able to accomplish His will here on earth.
The following is from an outstanding book by Dr. Neil Anderson “Living Free in Christ.” I highly recommend it! Here is what God thinks about you. You are. . .

Salt and light of the earth (Matthew 5:13-14)
A branch of the true vine (John 15:1, 5)
God’s temple (1 Corinthians 3:16)
A minister of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)
God’s co-worker (1 Corinthians 3:9)
Seated with Christ (Ephesians 2:6)
God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
God’s child (John 1:12)
Justified (Romans 5:1)
Adopted as God’s child (Ephesians 1:5)
Redeemed and forgiven (Colossians 1:14)
Complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)

Using myself as an example, I am so much more than a wife, mother, or the sum of my many other roles. Each one is important, but they are not the true definition of who I am. The next time you meet someone, ask them the tough questions, the ones that get to the core of who they really are and the position they want to be. Ask them about their hopes and dreams, their desires and plans, their goals and gifts, don’t be satisfied with the response to the usual, “Hi, my name is. . .”

When did I forget. . . ?

No one wants to be forgotten. It is a small child's greatest fear. It is a the greatest fear of those nearing the end of their lives. Forgotten.

Webster's second definition of the word forget is, "To treat with inattention or disregard; to slight; to neglect." To forget means we have had memory or knowledge of something at the start. At some point, whether through inattention or neglect, we forget that which we know to be true.

I love the stories about Nehemiah in the Old Testament. Nehemiah was in the service of King Artaxerxes of Susa. He learns from Hanani, his brother, that his homeland of Jerusalem is in danger. The walls surrounding his beloved city have been destroyed and his people are in grave danger. King Artaxerxes notices his despair and listens to his concerns. Nehemiah wants to rebuild the city! The king grants his request. That was easy.

Of course, the rebuilding is not easy. There is opposition, specifically by two men named Sanballat and Tobiah. Camps are formed and plans are made to halt the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem. Nemehiah 4:8 "They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it."

Here is my favorite verse of this chapter, verse 9, "BUT WE PRAYED to our God. . ." I do not think Nehemiah forgot who God was or what He could do! They did not run, they did not hide, they did not quarrel amongst themselves or complain, they prayed.

In my devotions this morning there was this line regarding a story of a woman's faith, "Through prayer, she regained a proper perspective of God." My perspective of God is often times shaped by my surroundings and my circumstances. However, the author of this devotional was saying that prayer can "right" a "wrong" perspective.

When did I forget that God has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand? When did I forget that the breadth of His hand marked off the heavens? When did I forget that He holds the dust of the earth in a basket or that He weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills on a balance? (Isaiah 40:12)

"To whom, then, will you compare God? What image will you compare him to?" (Isaiah 40:18) What earthly image is there to compare God? As difficult as it is for me to wrap my mind around the concept of eternity this verse reminds me that it is equally difficult to even begin to compare Him to anything that I can see, touch, feel, or experience.

When did I forget. . . ?

High Heels and Fiber

This weekend I was at a large retail store making a purchase. As I finished shopping and was checking out, I happened to glance down at the conveyor belt where I had placed my items for check out. I had to laugh because on that belt were; a pair of high heels and a container of fiber! What a combo! I never thought I would arrive at this day, purchasing fiber!

Later, I began to realize that the combination of those two purchases represented something about my life. Ever have one of those, "How in the world did I get here?" moments? I suppose I had one of those that day.

One of my favorite scriptures of all time is Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, "'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Many times, this reference is used in reference to newborns or graduating high school seniors, however, I feels it applies to all of us on a daily basis. How many times have I been disappointed by God's movement, or lack of movement. If I am to answer that question honestly, I must confess, many times over!

Back to my example. When I mentioned high heels, you must realize that the shoes I was purchasing that day were in no way the same kind of heels that I used to wear! When I was in college and in my early 20's, shoes were what I saved my money for. I would scout out the local specialty shoe stores, they knew me by name, on a weekly basis. Once I found THE pair of shoes, I saved and saved. Now, I am going to "date" myself when I say, I would put them on "layaway." Every extra dollar I had would be stashed away in an envelop until I had enough to break those stilettos out of jail!

Looking at those shoes at the check out line, I realized that they represented something long past. I am still the same person, still love shoes, however, I have definitely changed. The shoes are not the same style as they used to be. The shoes are more practical. The shoes are more functional. The styles and heel height have been altered to suit my present needs. I am no longer in my 20's, I am in my mid 40's, therefore, I can no longer "work" those shoes as I once could. My life has been altered through my experiences and by my perceptions of those experiences.

This is just one example of the cruelness of life and I am being facetious here, but in all seriousness, this is a difficult part of life. It is overwhelming to come to the realization that things we have worked for or dreamed about just haven't turned out the way we planned. I never planned for my father to suddenly pass away from a massive heart attack at age 59, but that is what happened. I never planned to wait 6 1/2 years for our precious Paige to be born. I never planned to give up on having more children, but I did. I never planned for illness to strike our beautiful 11 year old daughter and change her life forever, but it did. I never planned on losing a job and being left with nothing for months on end, having to receive groceries and money from virtual strangers, but it did, more than once! I never planned on injuring my back to the point of being unable to walk for 6 months, but it happened! None of these events were planned, not by me anyway! However, each one of them has taught me something about myself, and something about life in general. I would not be who I am today without each of these heart breaking experiences.

This leads me to the fiber - the reality of where I am in life! Anyone else relate?! Fiber is for old people, right? No, not really! It is certainly NOT something I ever envisioned needing! Fortunately, the Lord gives us the opportunity over and over to practice accepting reality, by giving us larger doses of it as time goes on! So, what do we do when we realize we are not in the place we thought we would be or things have not turned out the way we expected?

Isaiah 25:1 reminds me that ". . . in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." All the high heels and all the fiber of my life was planned long ago by the One who knows exactly what I need and when I need it. God has not been blind-sided by my sudden need for certain things or over my turning away from others. It is all part of His plan for my life. His plan, which is perfect, to give me hope and a future. Yes, the realization of certain realities may be painful, but only last for a season.

Going back to Jeremiah 29 verses 13 and 14, God reminds us that when we seek Him with all of our heart, we will find Him, "I will be found by you." Are you looking for him in your shoe choices? How about in the those "fiber" times of life, are you finding Him there?

Allowing ourselves to release the past (heels) and embrace the present (fiber), gives us the clarity of thought we need to focus on His future.

Our Anniversary

I was only 18 when I saw Bill for the first time. I cannot say it was "love at first sight," but I did tell my college roommate that he seemed like an interesting guy. I was dating someone else at the time and things were not going well. Of course, I did not realize this until I actually met Bill. He treated me differently then anyone else ever had and I could not stop thinking about him.

Four years later, he was proposing to me by a mountain stream in the Colorado Rockies. I knew he was going to on this trip, but he waited until we were packing to come home before he sneaked into my cabin and put the ring in my suitcase.

A year later, I found myself in a white gown by his side at the altar. We had 3 ministers participate in our ceremony. We had written a song together for our wedding, but pre-recorded it because we did not want to cry. Instead, we giggled like two little kids during the whole ceremony! My veil kept sticking to my eyelashes and was driving me crazy. During our vows I kept blowing it to get it off and almost made him laugh. Our video "professional" just about took out a candelabra, and during the unity candle lighting portion, my veil almost caught on fire!

We had our college buddies from our music group sing "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" from the balcony and He certainly has! Twenty-two years later, that day seems like yesterday. That girl with the 1980's bangs and too much eye shadow does not seem so far away!

I have officially known Bill more than half of my life. He has been part of it for so long that I barely have memories of anything that does not include him. Oh there is more of me to love now, less hair and certainly less eyeshadow, but the reasons we stood at that altar still remain, in fact, they have grown!

Shortly before we got married, my dad told both of us that we really did not know what love was, but that we would have to learn how to love each other. He was right, as parents often are, we had no idea that those feelings we felt on our wedding day would have to change in order to carry us through. Twenty-two years later, God is still teaching us how to do that!

People often say, in times like this, that they would not change a thing. Well, there are plenty of things I would like to have changed about the last twenty-two years, but then I would miss the opportunity to be changed. Those things and events that seem unfair or undesirable are what has made the two of who we are today. Our lives are so different than what they were then and without the hardship, there would be no chance for us to walk out my dad's advice. I am still learning how to love Bill and enjoying the journey!

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day, just in case any of you out there missed that. Don't bother going to Walmart to get a card because there are none left! I have never understood where holiday cards mysteriously disappear to the second a holiday is over!

I lost my dad almost 9 years ago. Father's Day does not bother me, I have plenty of honorable men in my life to pay homage to. Of course, I think of my dad and miss him on this holiday, but it is generally not a real tear-jerker for me.

What does generate tears of loss and sadness, grieving and mourning, are life's unexpected trials and tribulations, the "wow, I didn't see that coming " moments. For example, Memorial Day is difficult for me because my Dad's last career, he had several, was in the cemetery business. Strange as it may sound, this was a work day for him. He would put his suit and tie on and head out to the cemetery to visit with families and hear their stories of what brought them to their loved ones graveside.

Another example is this past weekend when we had a "crisis" in our household that required much prayer and guidance. Bill's first instinct was to call his Dad on the phone and seek his council. That is the tough situation for me, not holidays, life's everyday stuff! Not having the ability to pick up the phone and call my own father and hear his words of wisdom is heartbreaking!

I have kept a journal of letters I have written to my Dad since he died. It is a painful record of things he has missed and how I have missed him. However, Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."

So, here is the point of this blog. . . after expressing my sorrow over the weekend on my favorite social networking site, a friend posted a comment that I should be still and listen, and I would will hear my father's voice.

After a little "moment" with the Lord at the altar on Sunday a lady approached me and sat next to me. She gently put her arm around me and simply said, "God is always with you. There is never anything you will go through in life where He is not there. Does not matter what the situation is, He will not ask you to go through it alone." Let's just be frank. . . I was speechless and completely dumb-founded. First of all, I am just getting to know this particular lady and she is quite a tough cookie in many ways. As she said this to me, I saw the tears in her own eyes and I realized what a privilege it was to share this moment with her and see into her soul like I am sure few others have. Secondly, it was just the kind of thing my Dad would say, simple and to the point. Dad was like that all the time, mean what you say and say what you mean, he had no time for foolishness.

With another tight squeeze, she got up and moved away. I was immediately reminded of how wonderful God is and the depth of compassion He has for His children. I know He has a special place in his heart for widows and orphans. In that moment I was reminded of what my FB friend had said - be still and listen and I would hear my father's voice. I heard my father's voice and I also heard my Father's voice loud and clear!