Gates

Gates, I hate them!  My daughters are 24 and 17, yet I have three baby gates in my house.  Why, because of Piper, our 14 month old lab/pointer puppy.  She has reduced me to a prisoner in my own home.  In an effort to keep her out, I have to lock myself in.  She is a pilferer, so if  an item is not put away or higher than she can reach, it will be chewed to bits or swallowed whole!

All these gates remind me of gated communities where fences keep the residents safe by keeping others out.  I do not have a problem with gated communities or those who live there, it just makes me wonder if perhaps I do live there. 

For example, several months ago a young man returned to church after being absent for several years.  Kevin, not his real name, had been in and out of prison when we met and was facing another charge against him.  He desperately wanted to turn his life around, but honestly, the odds were so against him that he did not know where to begin.  Both Bill and I spoke to him and prayed with him on several occasions.  The last conversation I had with him revolved around his new little baby and how he wanted to be a better father to this child than what he had growing up.  Then, Kevin disappeared, until now.  When I hugged him and told him that I had missed him he just smiled and scooped me up in his tattooed arms and said, “Thanks.”  When I asked where he had been he simply replied, “Prison.”  Kevin has been contained by gates many times in the years we have been acquainted.  To a certain degree, I have also been contained by gates in the years I have known Kevin.

As a Christian, I know  my responsibility to my fellow man is  never to stand in judgment, however, this is not always easy.  My intent is not to elevate myself over anyone else, but there are times when it just happens too easily.  One reason this happens is because I am more concerned about my “Christian” exterior and my reputation than I am about being honest and real.  What would it mean to Kevin if I could tell him my most ashamed moments and how God has extended grace to me.  My reservation is that such a revelation would taint his view of me or that he would not think as highly of me.  Then my convicted heart screams let it be!  Let it be known that I am just one prayer away from a poverty stricken soul.  Let it be known that I too am imprisoned by gates that secure my own insecurities and hold me captive to the lies of the enemy.  Like Kevin, I am uncomfortable around so many perfect people and feel unworthy to share the terrible things I have thought or said, not to mention the actions I have carried out. 

As a church we accept and invite  Kevin and others like him into the building and even sit next them,  we open the gate, but do we invite them into our own personal gated communities, our own lives and our own experiences.  I may have not done the same things Kevin has  or know what it is like to be in prison, but I do know what it is like to be forgiven and set free from bondage.  Do our own testimonies hold us hostage?  Do our reputations?  How about our opinions?  I can honestly answer yes to each question. 

I was raised in a Christian home and come from a rich heritage of believers as far back as I can remember.  How fortunate and blessed I am to have such a testimony of faith and perseverance, yet this creates for me quite a standard to live up to.  Since I was saved at five years old, there are times I feel expected to be perfect because I have always known Jesus.  My past has not been littered with drugs or alcohol.  There is no defining moment where I felt God snatch me from death, yet, we have all been snatched from death by a God who desires to save us and set us free! 

Reputations are crazy things!  Webster defines reputation as “the common opinion that people have about someone or something: the way in which people think of someone or something.”  Ouch!  From all outward appearances, I would guess most people would assume that I have it all “together!”  I have a wonderful family, daughters who are growing in their own faith and becoming strong women of God, a husband who supports my every move and decision all the while loving me unconditionally, a great house and car to drive, plenty of food for my table.  I lack nothing, yet there are many underlying currents that flow just under the surface, my surface.  There are days when the depression of my mother’s cancer cripples me and incapacitates me with fear.  I have times when the health issues that my daughter, sister, and aunt endure crush me with despair.  Weeks come and go where the jaws of comparison to my fellow believer gnaw at me to the point of exhaustion.  The pressures and responsibilities of ministry at times squeeze all joy from my being and the weight of those who are hurting tethers my soul to their hopelessness. 

I sit in my office and cry, a lot!  Now it is out there and every time I go to my office and close the door, my girls are probably going to follow me!  God has gifted them both with compassion!  However, the tears that fall are for a desire to see what God sees, past the testimonies, reputations, and opinions of His people, those who have yet to believe and those who do believe.  When I pray for God to break my heart for what breaks His, many times, I do not get past my own mirror.  He sees me, knows me, loves me and is just waiting for me to ask for the gate to be removed. 

The point of this blog is not to evoke pity or personal affirmation from my many loyal friends.   Essentially, honesty is paramount.  I am learning how to allow others into my world and to be more authentic with my emotions.  The value of this is crucial within the church as we seek those who do not know Jesus.  If they do not see our need for Him, then how can they identify their need for a Savior? 

Taking Chaos Captive, part 3

http://northwestwomen.com/

My last two blogs  focused on accepting and embracing the chaos of live.  It is now time to move on adapting to chaos and taking the ideas from previous readings and applying them to daily living.

In light of previous information, the next step is honestly asking yourself which of these strategies work for you?   Free yourself from comparison!  Perhaps only one thing has resonated with you.  Take that one thing and customize.  Your personality will dictate exactly what it will look like in your own life.

For example, there are certain “chores” I prefer not doing, such as cleaning toilets.  I don’t really mind mopping floors or laundry, but toilet cleaning is on the bottom of my list.  Because I know that I generally will avoid unpleasant tasks, I put this one first.  Many of us have heard this before, but hearing it and doing it are totally different!  I find my bathrooms are much cleaner by making this simple adjustment.  This practical task is accomplished more often now that it is on the top of my list. 

Another way I insert my own personality into these ideas is by wearing something I love to do tasks I am avoiding.  There are days I don’t mind grocery shopping and others where I cannot bring myself to get out the door.  On days like this, I wear a favorite pair of earrings or jeans.  I do this because it makes me feel better about myself if I am wearing something special.  This is the reason why men do not understand the fitness clothing industry!  Women are not content to work out in nasty basketball shorts and sweat stained t-shirts with holes.  Why?  Because if we feel good about what we are wearing and how we look, we are more likely to work out harder and longer.  So, if I wear something I love to the grocery store, the job doesn’t seem as bad as it did before! 

These are just a few examples of how my own personality dictates how I use the practical ideas I have given to you.  Only you can decide which ones will work and how they will work.

As we accept that there will be chaos in life, we must remember that God is still moving in and through us.  He is more concerned about His creation (you) than your circumstances (chaos).  Embrace the fact that you cannot do it all and that you need others in your life to help you.  Set healthy boundaries and stick to them.  Benjamin Franklin said, “Resolve to perform what you ought, perform without fail what you resolve.”  Finally, adapt your system and let your personality shine through it.  Give yourself grace and mercy because failure will come. 

I leave you to ponder this topic with the words of a holy God:

Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, “This far you may come and not farther; here is where your proud waves halt?” Job 38:8-11 (NIV)

Here is where the waves halt, and here is where the chaos is taken captive.

Taking Chaos Captive, part 2

My last blog focused on the fact that there is always chaos in life.  The only way to have order and control of this chaos is the accept it, embrace it, and then adapt to it.  God still moves in our lives when chaos is present, in fact He could be allowing it to draw us closer to Himself.  Once we accept the fact that chaos is around us and allow God to us it, then we can begin to implement practical ways in which to actually embrace the chaos.

There are many tools I use to help me embrace the chaos of life.  However, before I can even begin with the practical solutions I have to realize that  I cannot do life alone and neither can you!  I need people in my life to help with practical things.  Colossians 3:15 says, ““Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace” (NIV).  I am a member of a body, not the sole part.  In order to have peace, I have to have help!  When I am faced with a daunting task, I ask myself this question, “What can only I do in this situation?”  Once I have answered, then I begin to delegate the rest.  Lists are one of the most practical tools in which to do this.  Post lists in common areas so others can see where you need help.  Assuming the dishwasher will be unloaded because the dishes are clean is probably a disastrous thought.  This is an example of a chore that someone else can do to free you up to do something different, but you have to make it known that it is needed!  Put it on the list!

I have a menu planning list and a pre-printed grocery shopping list that I use weekly.  These lists save me time by allowing me to play a weeks worth of meals and then shop for the items need for each of those meals.  Once I have all the ingredients, I can switch out meals depending upon our schedule for the day.  If I don’t feel like making tacos for dinner on Monday then I make spaghetti instead which was scheduled for Thursday.  I can make the switch because I have all the ingredients.  This does take some pre-planning and initial thought, but in the ends saves me a great deal of time.

Another time saver for me is my Life Binder.  This idea came to me a few years ago when I became so discouraged at the end of each day feeling as if I never accomplished enough.  I would go to bed at night and think about all the areas of my life that were not addressed and feel as if I had failed.  One day the Lord challenged me to sit down and categorize my life into seven areas.  These areas then became the sections in my Life Binder where I make notes on each of them and keep them in one place.  My binder is sectioned like this: Personal, Bethlehem Chapel (my church), School (we homeschool), Home, Ministry, BONDED Women’s Ministry (I am the leader of this ministry). 

This binder has helped me create mental space by allowing me a place to empty my brain!  Ben Franklin said, “Let all your things have their places; let all part of your business have its time.”  Now, I have a place for all my lists.  My binder also allows me to work daily on each major section of my life.  I do this by actually setting an alarm on my phone for a specific amount of time and working within one section of my binder at a time.  I have learned that I do not multitask well, in fact, I do not think it is even possible to do more than one thing at a time.  One of them will suffer.  Working on one section of the binder at a time keeps me focused on that specific section and I have found that I accomplish more in half the time. 

A secondary binder that I use is my Holiday Binder that makes its appearance in October.  This binder, replaces my Life Binder for the holiday season.  In this binder, I have everything I need in one place for the holidays.  Here are some examples: calendars, Thanksgiving meal planning sheets, Thanksgiving grocery shopping lists, recipes used for holiday meals, left over labels, paper table decorations, coloring pages for small children, Christmas wish lists for family members, gift giving pages, thank you note record, Christmas card lists for giving and receiving, holiday memory keepsakes, Christmas gift tags.  I have personalized these pages over the years to suit my own needs and even given complete binders as gifts.  Again, everything I need for the holidays is in one place.  Search the internet for examples of these types of pages.  The ones I use are no longer in print. 

The last practical tool for embracing the chaos of life is setting boundaries.  I do not work outside of my home, yet I have office house from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.  Establishing a work day for myself keeps me accountable to my family.  In fact, my youngest daughter is my phone accountability partner.  If she catches me on my phone after 5 p.m. she will ask me what I am doing.  If I am answering an email or sending a business text, I am reprimanded!  It can wait until tomorrow!  I will not begin answering email or texts before 9 a.m. because that is my time to read my Bible, pray, and hopefully exercise.  Honestly, it doesn’t always work like this, but I certainly do try!  I am fortunate enough to have an office of my own in our home which helps me establish that boundary of “work” mode as well.  However, if you do not have an office, find some place in your home or even just a tote bag where you keep your mobile office and let that help distinguish that “work” mode for you as well.  Once the bag is put away, it stays put away! 

Embracing chaos is part of taking it captive.  Review the practical steps above and see which of them  work for you.  Next time, we will discuss how to adapt some of these practical tips. 

Taking Chaos Captive, part one

I was a strange child!  Growing up in Missouri I learned early on to appreciate and fear thunderstorms.  Stormy Saturdays were some of my favorite times, especially in the spring.  On these dreary and darkened days I would lock myself away in my room and organize my closet!  Not the expected response, I understand!  My love for organization and order began then and was largely a result of living with a very spontaneous father and oppositely grounded mother.  Dad would throw a trip together and I watched as my mother struggled to make it happen all at the last minute.  I have since learned to embrace my Dad’s carefree lack of planning and my Mom’s careful planning. 

Another organizational marker for me was after I was married and living in Texas next door to an Army drill sergeant.  One day, I found myself needing to borrow something from him.  As I followed him out to his shed, I had no idea the glory that was about to be revealed to me.  Opening the dismal shed, he stepped inside and put his hand instantly on a clear plastic bin that contained the item I needed.  My mouth gaped as I looked around me at the pristinely stationed clear plastic bins stacked floor to ceiling.  Each one was labeled notating its contents on the outside.  He had no difficulty finding the item.  From that moment on, I decided I was going to do things very differently! 

Now to my confession, I have many areas of my home and life that are organized and probably about equal that are extremely unorganized.  For instance, I am a recovering self professed pack rat!  Our garage is full of boxes containing memories and mementos that I cannot seem to part with.  This is my summer project!  Do not mistake me for an expert or one with strict or legalistic ideals about organization.  I am just like you, looking for any place I can bring control and order to the chaos of my own life.   This all begins with the realization that I must accept, embrace, and adapt to the chaos of my life in order to take it captive.

First, I have to accept that there is chaos and there always will be chaos as this is the nature of a fallen world.    My definition of chaos is a created state of mind that causes confusion and disorients the purpose of the mind.  Practically speaking, the purpose of the brain is to control all bodily functions, however, it also sorts, filters, and categorizes information.  God has given us our own laptop to use for His glory.  When I begin to become overwhelmed by my thoughts, I have to stop and ask myself if I am creating an environment that is breeding confusion and disorientation.  If the answer is yes, then I know the chaos I am feeling is something that I have created and never Godly because I Corinthians 14:33 says that God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 

Second, in spite of the chaos around me God is still moving.  He works in and thru me in all ways and in all experiences, including the chaos of life.  He is more concerned about his creation (me) than my circumstances (chaos).  In fact, He could be allowing some of it in order to reveal something to me about myself or I could be creating it by not allowing Him to be in control. 

Watch for part two of Taking Chaos Captive for practical tips to embracing the chaos of life.