I was only 18 when I saw Bill for the first time. I cannot say it was "love at first sight," but I did tell my college roommate that he seemed like an interesting guy. I was dating someone else at the time and things were not going well. Of course, I did not realize this until I actually met Bill. He treated me differently then anyone else ever had and I could not stop thinking about him.
Four years later, he was proposing to me by a mountain stream in the Colorado Rockies. I knew he was going to on this trip, but he waited until we were packing to come home before he sneaked into my cabin and put the ring in my suitcase.
A year later, I found myself in a white gown by his side at the altar. We had 3 ministers participate in our ceremony. We had written a song together for our wedding, but pre-recorded it because we did not want to cry. Instead, we giggled like two little kids during the whole ceremony! My veil kept sticking to my eyelashes and was driving me crazy. During our vows I kept blowing it to get it off and almost made him laugh. Our video "professional" just about took out a candelabra, and during the unity candle lighting portion, my veil almost caught on fire!
We had our college buddies from our music group sing "The Lord Bless You and Keep You" from the balcony and He certainly has! Twenty-two years later, that day seems like yesterday. That girl with the 1980's bangs and too much eye shadow does not seem so far away!
I have officially known Bill more than half of my life. He has been part of it for so long that I barely have memories of anything that does not include him. Oh there is more of me to love now, less hair and certainly less eyeshadow, but the reasons we stood at that altar still remain, in fact, they have grown!
Shortly before we got married, my dad told both of us that we really did not know what love was, but that we would have to learn how to love each other. He was right, as parents often are, we had no idea that those feelings we felt on our wedding day would have to change in order to carry us through. Twenty-two years later, God is still teaching us how to do that!
People often say, in times like this, that they would not change a thing. Well, there are plenty of things I would like to have changed about the last twenty-two years, but then I would miss the opportunity to be changed. Those things and events that seem unfair or undesirable are what has made the two of who we are today. Our lives are so different than what they were then and without the hardship, there would be no chance for us to walk out my dad's advice. I am still learning how to love Bill and enjoying the journey!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Father's Day
Yesterday was Father's Day, just in case any of you out there missed that. Don't bother going to Walmart to get a card because there are none left! I have never understood where holiday cards mysteriously disappear to the second a holiday is over!
I lost my dad almost 9 years ago. Father's Day does not bother me, I have plenty of honorable men in my life to pay homage to. Of course, I think of my dad and miss him on this holiday, but it is generally not a real tear-jerker for me.
What does generate tears of loss and sadness, grieving and mourning, are life's unexpected trials and tribulations, the "wow, I didn't see that coming " moments. For example, Memorial Day is difficult for me because my Dad's last career, he had several, was in the cemetery business. Strange as it may sound, this was a work day for him. He would put his suit and tie on and head out to the cemetery to visit with families and hear their stories of what brought them to their loved ones graveside.
Another example is this past weekend when we had a "crisis" in our household that required much prayer and guidance. Bill's first instinct was to call his Dad on the phone and seek his council. That is the tough situation for me, not holidays, life's everyday stuff! Not having the ability to pick up the phone and call my own father and hear his words of wisdom is heartbreaking!
I have kept a journal of letters I have written to my Dad since he died. It is a painful record of things he has missed and how I have missed him. However, Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."
So, here is the point of this blog. . . after expressing my sorrow over the weekend on my favorite social networking site, a friend posted a comment that I should be still and listen, and I would will hear my father's voice.
After a little "moment" with the Lord at the altar on Sunday a lady approached me and sat next to me. She gently put her arm around me and simply said, "God is always with you. There is never anything you will go through in life where He is not there. Does not matter what the situation is, He will not ask you to go through it alone." Let's just be frank. . . I was speechless and completely dumb-founded. First of all, I am just getting to know this particular lady and she is quite a tough cookie in many ways. As she said this to me, I saw the tears in her own eyes and I realized what a privilege it was to share this moment with her and see into her soul like I am sure few others have. Secondly, it was just the kind of thing my Dad would say, simple and to the point. Dad was like that all the time, mean what you say and say what you mean, he had no time for foolishness.
With another tight squeeze, she got up and moved away. I was immediately reminded of how wonderful God is and the depth of compassion He has for His children. I know He has a special place in his heart for widows and orphans. In that moment I was reminded of what my FB friend had said - be still and listen and I would hear my father's voice. I heard my father's voice and I also heard my Father's voice loud and clear!
I lost my dad almost 9 years ago. Father's Day does not bother me, I have plenty of honorable men in my life to pay homage to. Of course, I think of my dad and miss him on this holiday, but it is generally not a real tear-jerker for me.
What does generate tears of loss and sadness, grieving and mourning, are life's unexpected trials and tribulations, the "wow, I didn't see that coming " moments. For example, Memorial Day is difficult for me because my Dad's last career, he had several, was in the cemetery business. Strange as it may sound, this was a work day for him. He would put his suit and tie on and head out to the cemetery to visit with families and hear their stories of what brought them to their loved ones graveside.
Another example is this past weekend when we had a "crisis" in our household that required much prayer and guidance. Bill's first instinct was to call his Dad on the phone and seek his council. That is the tough situation for me, not holidays, life's everyday stuff! Not having the ability to pick up the phone and call my own father and hear his words of wisdom is heartbreaking!
I have kept a journal of letters I have written to my Dad since he died. It is a painful record of things he has missed and how I have missed him. However, Psalm 68:5 says, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."
So, here is the point of this blog. . . after expressing my sorrow over the weekend on my favorite social networking site, a friend posted a comment that I should be still and listen, and I would will hear my father's voice.
After a little "moment" with the Lord at the altar on Sunday a lady approached me and sat next to me. She gently put her arm around me and simply said, "God is always with you. There is never anything you will go through in life where He is not there. Does not matter what the situation is, He will not ask you to go through it alone." Let's just be frank. . . I was speechless and completely dumb-founded. First of all, I am just getting to know this particular lady and she is quite a tough cookie in many ways. As she said this to me, I saw the tears in her own eyes and I realized what a privilege it was to share this moment with her and see into her soul like I am sure few others have. Secondly, it was just the kind of thing my Dad would say, simple and to the point. Dad was like that all the time, mean what you say and say what you mean, he had no time for foolishness.
With another tight squeeze, she got up and moved away. I was immediately reminded of how wonderful God is and the depth of compassion He has for His children. I know He has a special place in his heart for widows and orphans. In that moment I was reminded of what my FB friend had said - be still and listen and I would hear my father's voice. I heard my father's voice and I also heard my Father's voice loud and clear!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Crazy Talk
Have you ever shared an idea with someone and had their response be, "That's just crazy!" To me, that response is a challenge! I love crazy! I love the idea of something being out of the ordinary! I love the opportunity to think beyond status quo! In essence, I love crazy!
When I read my Bible, I see all kinds of crazy! For example, what in the world was Moses thinking when he led the Israelites THROUGH the Red Sea? What was Daniel thinking sitting in the lion's den? What were the 3 Hebrew children thinking inside that fiery furnace? What was Peter thinking when he stepped OUT of the boat during the storm?
See what I mean? Here in lies the basis for my eventual book! There are so many more examples of "crazy" in the Bible. According to the Webster's crazy has the following definitions:
crazy (adjective) - full of cracks or flaws
crazy (noun) - mad, insane, impractical, erratic
crazy (adverb) - passionately preoccupied
Hmm, I can see each of these definitions in each example I mentioned above!!! More on that later. . .
From a societal perspective, the word "crazy" is not viewed as a compliment. However, from a heavenly perspective, I think that it is something we should strive for.
If something is said to be "full of cracks or flaws" it is viewed as undesirable, but God views this as something He can work on. If someone is labeled as "mad or impractical" they are generally feared, but God labels them as "teachable." The term "passionately preoccupied" gives me the impression that someone is hung up on an issue and unable to see anything else, but God's impression is that He can scoop up that passion and enable us to be preoccupied with Him.
Call me crazy? Yeah, go ahead!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Speak out!!!!
Chapter 30 is a rather short chapter of 16 verses. The subtitle in my Bible says "Vows." These are not marriage vows but vows defined as "a declaration or assertion."
It appears that if a young woman still living in her father's home made a vow to the Lord or obligated herself by a pledge and if her father hears about her vow but says nothing to her, then the vow must stand. If he hears about her vow and forbids it, then she is released from the vow. The same is true if she is married.
Here is the part that struck me:
14 But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them.
I don't know how many times my Dad told me to just "speak up" when something was wrong. There were times when I would be so passionate about something I had seen or heard and disagreed with and my Dad would say to me, "Well, do something about it!" I remember one time in particular when the NFL teams were on strike and the third and fourth string players were in the game. I got so angry during a Monday night game because the announcers were being so negative and harsh on the players. They were doing the best that they could, but the results were not what the announcers thought they should be. My Dad challenged me to write a letter to ABC and complain, which I did. Several weeks later, I received a letter in return from ABC, of course defending the announcers, but also sensitive to how I was feeling. As a high school student, I felt empowered because I had spoken out against something I thought was wrong and someone actually responded to me. That made a huge impression on me.
Here is a biblical example of this principle. When we are silent, that in essence equals agreement. According to this verse in Numbers, if a husband refused to speak out about his wife's vow, then regardless of whether or not he agreed with her, it was considered consent. The next verse goes on to say that if he does speak out at a later time against her vow then it is too late, he becomes responsible for her guilt.
My girls always laugh at me to this day when I become upset about some injustice I have witnessed! They always ask if I am going to write a letter! However, I hate to admit that most of the time I don't write that letter. I rant and rave about it for a while, but eventually it fades and I do nothing. Hmmm, this is not really what the Bible teaches us is it? Things must be done in the right way and with the right motive; grace, love, and mercy must always prevail. Many times those with strong opinions are viewed as pushy or bossy, a pain in the neck to be around. Does it have to look like that? I don't think so. As Christians, we have the right to defend our faith, to stand up for those in need or oppressed, to speak out on behalf of those who remain silent.
So my question to myself today is this; Do I have a platform to complain if I have not taken the opportunity to speak out? The answer is obvious.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Leviticus! Are you serious?!!!
Who gets excited to read Leviticus? I certainly don't!!! Currently I am reading my Bible in chronological order, ever done that? Well, sooner or later, you have to read Leviticus. No skipping it when you choose this form of study. So. . . here we go!
The book of Leviticus is authored by Moses, one of my favorite Bible heroes, and focuses on the Law. What does that mean, exactly? It means that the entire book is about rules, right? Well, sort of, if you choose to see it that way as many people do. However, when you examine it further you see that really it is a book about holiness. An old fashioned word, I know, but a word that is just a relevant in today's culture and society as it was then in the days of Moses and the Israelites.
My focus today is on the second chapter of Leviticus. This chapter is only 16 verses, but it packs a punch if you dig a little. The subject matter of this chapter is the grain offering and how it is to be prepared and presented to the Lord.
Here is what I noticed: the Israelites were given options by God on how the grain offering could be prepared. Options? Really? In the book of Leviticus? YES, really!!! Take a look:
No matter what method of preparation the Israelites chose, the end result was the same. A portion of their grain offering was burned upon the altar in sacrifice to God and the rest was given to the priests for consumption. This was considered the most holy part of the sacrifice.
God gave His people specific instructions on what, how, and why to do this, but He also allowed them the freedom to choose which method worked best for them. Once again, we see the loving nature of our God. We see that through the Law, what seems like rules and regulations and bondage, how God was making a way for His people to come before Him, holy and acceptable in His sight. We see how the Law was God's provision for His people and how through obedience, He provided a pathway to His heart; a relationship is formed.
God's will is for all of us is to follow Him in holiness and obedience, but even within this walk, we are given choices and options. Many times we get too hung up on exactly what we are supposed to do. God was clear; bring the sacrifice to me so that I may consume it and be pleased with its aroma. We fear the process of obedience; will I make the wrong choice? How will I know if this is the right path? What if I get lost along the way? However, there are more important questions. What if I don't step out? What if I choose to disobey? What if I never move from this spot just because I am afraid?
Our path is clear. We are to bring the sacrifice. Sometimes the method is up to us.
The book of Leviticus is authored by Moses, one of my favorite Bible heroes, and focuses on the Law. What does that mean, exactly? It means that the entire book is about rules, right? Well, sort of, if you choose to see it that way as many people do. However, when you examine it further you see that really it is a book about holiness. An old fashioned word, I know, but a word that is just a relevant in today's culture and society as it was then in the days of Moses and the Israelites.
My focus today is on the second chapter of Leviticus. This chapter is only 16 verses, but it packs a punch if you dig a little. The subject matter of this chapter is the grain offering and how it is to be prepared and presented to the Lord.
Here is what I noticed: the Israelites were given options by God on how the grain offering could be prepared. Options? Really? In the book of Leviticus? YES, really!!! Take a look:
- verse 1 & 2 “‘When anyone brings a grain offering to the LORD, their offering is to be of the finest flour. They are to pour olive oil on it, put incense on it 2 and take it to Aaron’s sons the priests.
- verse 4 “‘If you bring a grain offering baked in an oven . . . "
- verse 5 "If your grain offering is prepared on a griddle. . . "
- verse 7 "If your grain offering is cooked in a pan. . ."
No matter what method of preparation the Israelites chose, the end result was the same. A portion of their grain offering was burned upon the altar in sacrifice to God and the rest was given to the priests for consumption. This was considered the most holy part of the sacrifice.
God gave His people specific instructions on what, how, and why to do this, but He also allowed them the freedom to choose which method worked best for them. Once again, we see the loving nature of our God. We see that through the Law, what seems like rules and regulations and bondage, how God was making a way for His people to come before Him, holy and acceptable in His sight. We see how the Law was God's provision for His people and how through obedience, He provided a pathway to His heart; a relationship is formed.
God's will is for all of us is to follow Him in holiness and obedience, but even within this walk, we are given choices and options. Many times we get too hung up on exactly what we are supposed to do. God was clear; bring the sacrifice to me so that I may consume it and be pleased with its aroma. We fear the process of obedience; will I make the wrong choice? How will I know if this is the right path? What if I get lost along the way? However, there are more important questions. What if I don't step out? What if I choose to disobey? What if I never move from this spot just because I am afraid?
Our path is clear. We are to bring the sacrifice. Sometimes the method is up to us.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Moses On a Mountain
I am fascinated by Moses! My devotions for the last several weeks have taken place in the Old Testament centered around Moses and his many adventures. His story is fantastic! His life begins literally in the water!
In the third chapter of Deuteronomy, Moses is recalling what the Lord has told him:
21 At that time I commanded Joshua: “You have seen with your own eyes all that the LORD your God has done to these two kings. The LORD will do the same to all the kingdoms over there where you are going. 22 Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you.”
I love verse 22 and how it reassures me that God will fight for me. This is not past tense or even in terms of my future, it is right NOW!
In the third chapter of Deuteronomy, Moses is recalling what the Lord has told him:
21 At that time I commanded Joshua: “You have seen with your own eyes all that the LORD your God has done to these two kings. The LORD will do the same to all the kingdoms over there where you are going. 22 Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you.”
I love verse 22 and how it reassures me that God will fight for me. This is not past tense or even in terms of my future, it is right NOW!
23 At that time I pleaded with the LORD: 24 “Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? 25 Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan—that fine hill country and Lebanon.”
26 But because of you the LORD was angry with me and would not listen to me. “That is enough,” the LORD said. “Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. 27 Go up to the top of Pisgah and look west and north and south and east. Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan.
The reality sets in with Moses that he really is not going to cross the Jordan with the people. Someone else will have to lead them. Then God asks Moses to do something that I would imagine was the most difficult thing for him;
28 But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see.”
Joshua is the one that will lead the people, not Moses! God grants Moses request to see the land, but makes it very clear that he will NOT be going with them. He will NOT be their leader any more.
I wonder how Moses felt at that moment when the reality of what was about to happen set in. Did he feel abandoned by God? Was he jealous of Joshua? Was he indignant at the thought of this kid taking his position? Did he completely buck the idea of encouraging and strengthening Joshua?
Much like Moses, we are not always allowed to "finish" what we start. Sometimes, this is not a bad thing! God is merciful when it comes to our failures! We may be allowed to begin something and then have to train and encourage someone else to complete it.
When I first read this passage I felt sorry for Moses and his un-finished job, however, when I looked at the passage again, I realized something; he did finish his job. You see, Moses had faithfully prepared these people for this exact moment for years. Ultimately, his reward was knowing the job would be completed even though he was not the guy.
How many times do we walk away from an experience or a project with failure on our mind? The job was incomplete, therefore, I am incomplete; I failed. Could Moses have viewed himself that way? I am sure he could have, but I do not think that he did. I believe that even in his own personal disappointment, he knew God would finish what HE started, even if it was through another vessel named Joshua. Moses completed his part, therefore, he completed the job.
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